Unwilling

Deeply conflicted, I recognize yet internalize the pressure:
Accountable for being miserable, responsible for failing life
An efficient procrastinator, pattern of halfways and lies.
A machine to inhabit others, entirely measured set of thoughts
And movements, and actions, self-reproducing productivity
And self-analysis to exhaustion, by-product of data-drilling
This is understanding beyond profitability:
I am a market subject, sure, but unwilling.

My expectations are inflated as regards to self-improvement:
Say it’s our choice – call it what you want, but it’s void!
It's impossible not to feel lonely when so much rests on our shoulders
We are force fed your guilt in bouts of 'empowerment'.
Extracted even asleep, disgusting sense of debility
And self-analysis to a nausea, by-product of mental healing
This is understanding beyond predictability:
I am your data subject, sure, but unwilling.